if you can’t laugh during sex, you might not be doing it with the right person
You exist, and therefore, you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise.
I’m such a fucking mess.
Let’s start there. A mess, a fucking mess.
I’m having such a hard time recently.
I haven’t been working my program. I am not close to a power greater than myself.
I traded booze for boys, romance, love, lust, drama.
& here I am again, feeling empty & broken.
That feeling in me is alive. I just want to reach for something to fill the void. Weather it be a drink, a drug, food, another boy, etc.
I’m so lost.
Sitting at the airport I am feeling a whirlwind of emotions.
Looking at the Pyramid Taproom bar in front of me, the little voice inside of me speaks up & tells me, ‘that seat at the bar is waiting for me. That an ice cold beer, condensation dripping down the glass sounds mouthwatering.’
I haven’t been to a meeting in a week. God willing I will have 18 months on the 10th of August. Traveling to Arizona where I will be out of my comfort zone. I feel worried & alone.
I’ve been having pain & have vicodin in my bag which I haven’t wanted to take because I know it will set off that physical craving & the obsession of the mind. That I will always want more & more will never be enough.
I am spiritually sick & I think I am setting myself up for a relapse.